What a weekend. Friday I headed to south side straight from work to get my tattoo finished. Between traffic and construction I barely made it there on time for my 1 oclock appointment. Michael Patrick had gone to the store but was back shortly and he got started a little after one. I ate snickers bar on the way there and took a pepsi with me to tide me over until it was done. More than three hours later I was still there, and the tattoo was nowhere even close to being finished. He said I would have to come back again, as it was taking longer than he had expected. I thanked him, and paid him, coming to the realization that this endeavor was just becoming more and more costly, and headed home. I forgot to plug my phone in the night before, so naturally it died while I was there, leaving me without a way to tell Rachel what was going on, who would have expected me to be home by the time I left. By the time I fought traffic, and more construction to get it home, I was tired, sore, and in one hell of a foul mood. Rachel had brought home her crow baby, and I didn't even feel like seeing it, though it is very cute. That night Rachel dressed me up and we went to see Rocky Horror at the oaks again. I was nervous about going out all dressed up like a woman, but I had a really good time. Saturday was the day of the big concert, but first we had a two hundred mile drive to make. Rachel drove the whole way there, and about half of the way back, though I have to say the way there was much more treacherous. It took us an hour just to leave the county, due once again to construction. Once we finally reached the highway, we drove straight into some ferocious thunderstorms, and what we later found out was the beginning of a tornado. Eventually we made it to Columbus, though we didn't have time to eat on the way, and were both pretty worn out. The show itself was fantastic, aside from a slight confrontation with the guy sitting next to us. It seems no matter what Rachel and I do, there is always someone who sits near us, and causes a problem. On Sunday we did our shopping and picked up the kids who have been at their dad's for the past three weeks. Their step mom offered to watch them the rest of the summer, following the next two weeks when they will be with us. I don't know if Rachel has decided whether or not to take them up on the offer though.

Less than one week left until Rachel and I go to see Tom Waits. We're both super excited, yet nervous about the drive. Still I think it will be a great trip, this weekend is our last bit of time without the kids, and it's been really nice to have a break. I'm not looking forward to them coming back, and not just because of the stress, but money is a huge factor these days too. Money is tight right now, really rediculously tight. I don't know where it goes or what has changed, but each week we seem to have a bigger pile of bills. I hate the fact that I can't make better money, I hate the fact that I feel stuck on the same path as my parents, and it really gets me depressed. We really need to refinance the house within the next couple months and I pray to god our mortgage payments don't go up. If that's the case we might as well give up now. I feel like a failure.

Today was a strange day at work. Actually, it was pretty normal until the end of the day. It seems the company is in such a bad state financially that they fired several of the people from the office today, and the vice president of the company resigned. They also got rid of all the remaining temps, some of whom had been working there over a year. I heard some of the supervisers complaining that they are being forced to take a week off without pay in order to save money. I'm really afraid that I won't have a job there much longer. Surely I didn't want to stay at that job forever, but if I lose it I really don't know what we'll do. The job market around here sucks, and I have absolutely no marketable skills to fall back on. I should look into going back to school, but with a home and a family to take care of, I don't see where I would ever find the time, money, or energy. Maybe I'm just over reacting, but the scene at work just made me sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do. In other news, tomorrow is my birthday, maybe something good will happen.

I seriously need a vacation. This is the second day this week that it has taken more than fifty minutes for me to get home from work, a whopping five mile journey. Not that getting home is really any relief, the girls start fighting as soon as they get off the bus. I gave in and let them have a friend come over, thinking that they might play outside and I could just lay down and try and get rid of the headache I've had all day, but of course they deceided just to play on the porch, banging the windchimes and screaming, always the screaming. It's not even worth telling them to stop anymore, they just start again two minutes later. I haven't even had the will to work out at all this week, and yet my whole body aches. Now the birds are yelling at me too. Vacation?

So we pretty much went from the rainy cold of early April, to the heat and humidity of June right? Okay I was just making sure. This weekend was supposed to be relaxing, but turned out to be anything but. I think I've forgotten how to relax, leaving me extremely restless and bored when I don't have anything to do. It just seems like lately nothing has been able to hold my interest, whether it's reading or writing or watching a movie. I have been active in karate now that I found a decent school to go to, but sometimes I still feel like it's all pointless, I can't really get anything other than a workout out of doing karate, I should be trying to go back to school. But again, nothing interests me. I was so tired today from not being able to sleep last night, these long weekends throw my schedule all out of wack, so I deceided to run up to borders after work to get a coffee. It took me all of about ten minutes to get up there and back into harmarville, but alas I found traffic backed up farther than ever waiting to get across the bridge. I just narrowly made it to pick the girls up an hour after work. The girls are driving me crazy wanting to have friends over. It wouldn't be so bad except for a few things, first, we don't really have anywhere they can play where they can't be heard all over the house, leaving the birds and the dogs to freak out, and between the screaming birds, whining dogs, and yelling kids, I generally want to blow my brains out, secondly, neither Rachel nor myself like to have things pulled up on us spur of the moment, particularly when it throws off our normal routine for the night, so If I let their friends come over whith no way to let Rachel know ahead of time, it stresses her out when she comes home and rather than being able to relax, has to deal with some strange kid running around. Third, the girls never really bother to ask about having anyone come over, at least not until they have already told the other kid they can. Today the girls argued in the car without ever even asking me about who all was coming over. Then when we came home, Kira's friend Zack calls and Kira asks me if it's okay for two friends to be over at once, since Zack wants to come over and she told someone else they could come over too. When I told her that she never even asked if one person could come over, she just gave me a confused look until I repeated myself several times. I feel like a jerk for not wanting them to have anyone over, but honestly the birds and the dogs and the girls are about all the responsibility I can handle, especially right after work. Rachel and I visited my baby brother again yesterday. I will admit that he is cute, though not nearly as cute as his big brother. I was surprised to see that my Dad had saved an old wind up stuffed rabbit that I had as a kid and was planning on giving it to the baby. Silly as it is, a weird part of me was happy to see it. I used to play with that bunny all the time, my sister bought it for me at a garage sale when I was a new born and it was around as long as I can remember. As a young kid I even had a little karate outfit I would put on it. I looked for the thing when I moved out of my mother's house, but couldn't find it and had assumed it was lost, I'm glad my dad saved it. Anyways, that's probably enough rambling for one post, I better go straighten up and find something for dinner.

The weather this past week has been beautiful. Unfortunately, knowing pittsburgh, I wouldn't be surprised if this was all the nice weather we see. Rachel and I cleaned up the yard a bit last night, and I mowed the lawn when I came home today. Every winter I manage to forget what a pain in the ass our yard is, but now I remember. It was still nice to be out in the sunshine for a change. The neighborhood crows flew by a few times to see what I was doing, and I saw the groundhog who lives beneath our shed sneaking across the alley for some food. Work hasn't been so bad, I've managed to get some training on another machine, though I suspect that it will only last until we get busy again. It was already hot in there today, and I don't look forward to the summer heat. It can easily reach one hundred degrees inside the building, which has hardly any ventilation, not enough fans, and plenty of machines giving off heat. This weekend is my Dad and step mother's baby shower, and Rachel and I are going bowling for bullies on Sunday. It should be a good weekend, yesterday marked four years since Rachel and I started dating. It seems so long ago, almost like it was in another lifetime. I guess that is just because my life has changed so much since I met her. Rachel really met me in a weird time in my life, those strange years when you are first setting out on your own. I'm so lucky that she has been there to help me out and see me through the tough times.

Gently sets the sun of spring,
birds take flight on silent wing,
April's stars so soon shall show,
children's dreams within their glow.
Hopes of fears to be relieved,
spiteful thoughts in rage conceived,
brilliant toys to fill their heads,
monstrous ghouls beneath their beds,
glory toward which they're bound,
worlds of treasure to be found.
Dream these well while young at heart,
despair begins when dreams depart.

Another week done. This one actually went by quickly, however they did instate a new rule at work requiring all production employees to wear hearing protection. So as if work wasn't annoying enough, now imagine it with little ear plugs sticking out of your ears all the time, and not being able to hear what anyone is saying. Oh well. Other than that not much new has been happening, Rachel and I both have been thinking about going back to school, without much success in figuring out how. I keep running into the same problem I always run into. To get a better job, I need to go to school, but to go to school, I need money, but to get money, I need a better job. No one ever seems to be able to explain how that is supposed to work to me.

I thought we were going to have a snow free weekend, but I guess I was wrong. It had just begun snowing when I left work, making for a really crappy, slow ride home. I guess no one else was expecting it to snow yet either. Hopefully it will stop soon. Rachel is supposed to take a mailing to the post office in North side for work, and tonight the kids are going to their dad's house. Hello Bully is holding a big meeting as well, and I really don't feel like dealing with crappy roads in order to go. It sure would be nice if the girls' father could come pick them up, but unfortunately he let his van get towed away for not paying his parking tickets. Not that he actually ever came to pick them up when he still had it. Tomorrow night I was invited to go over to Joe's house and watch the UFC. I'm really nervous to go. Not that I'm nervouse about hanging out with Jake and Joe, it's just that I haven't gone out to do anything, especially on the weekend without Rachel in so long, that I feel weird about it. That's about all that's happening around here. I'm off to shovel the driveway.

We haven't been able to watch T.V. all week because of problems with our cable box. The cable guy was supposed to come fix it today, but for some strange reason I decided to turn it on and see if it worked when I came home, and it did. Weird. Not as weird as the wheather has been today though, it snowed quite a bit over night, and was raining as I went into work. Now it is still raining, and freezing to boot, making for a nasty slippery mix. I can't wait for this damn weather to break. This part of the year, and February in particular, is always a real down point for me. I don't know if it's the lingering snow, or the lack of sunlight, but I always get depressed waiting for the end of winter.